I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
