Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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