We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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