apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
