I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
