You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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