She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
