I accidentally burped into my bong.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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