I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We have started to decorate penises.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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