dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
