this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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