I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
