EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
