her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
