I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize