if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
