We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.