i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?