I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway