Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins