I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again