just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
