Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
