Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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