so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
