The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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