He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
