honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
