Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
