Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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