I think im going to throw up on grandma
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
