Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You are a genius and a whore.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
