It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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