she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
