Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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