people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
