I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
