i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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