Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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