well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
