I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
