Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I intend to get homeless drunk
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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