i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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