You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
