I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
