she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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