So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
