We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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