I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
