i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
