I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
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Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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