just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
