Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
