I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
