Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
