You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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