i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
