Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
