she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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