Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
