i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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