Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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