5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am midnight drunk by noon
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
