Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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