you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
