Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
