after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
