I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
