so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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