There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
