I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
