Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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