he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
