I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You are a genius and a whore.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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