everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
