he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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