HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
