Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
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I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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