Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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