Dual....:-)
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
