i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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