eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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