my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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