every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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