whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
