he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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