this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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