I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
